What No One Told Me

Every other weekend two great moments happen. The first moment is the minute my kids leave to go with their dad for the weekend and my house is silent. I can hear the clock ticking and a peaceful calm surrounds me.  It’s time to take care of myself and have no worries or responsibilities. The second moment is that minute when my kids walk back through the door. My empty house is once again filled with chaos, craziness, love, and hugs.

From the outside looking in it appears to be a great setup having your kids gone every other weekend. I don’t disagree with that but what no one told me is that the worry never really goes away. You see when they aren’t with me I’m not responsible for them. I have no say in what they can and cannot do. I forfeit my control every time they walk out that door. I have to have faith, a lot of prayers and accept the fact that my way isn’t the only way. I have to accept that someone else has an influence in their life and I have to allow that to happen. What no one told me is how much I would love my kids. A few years ago I would dare say I was not the mom I would have liked to be. I was consumed with my own feelings and problems. I didn’t give my kids the attention they needed and deserved. My relationships with them are so different now than they used to be. We have conversations that we have never had before. We talk about how blessed we are to have each other, how we stick together as a family, and how people that make different choices than us are not bad people….just different. I pray that they are learning compassion, and things that will help them reach out to other people when they see a need. I watch them have inner conflicts as they go from house to house and try to sort out their own emotions. I watch them come to me with concerns that need discussed and excitement about things happening in their lives. No one told me how amazing it would be to watch my children transform. It’s incredible to watch kids grow and learn and to watch them come through with flying colors. There is nothing better than when an outsider says to me, “Your kids seem so happy and seem to be doing so well.” As a mom I can see the changes that take place each day but when other people take notice it is extra sweet. No one told me how much I would cherish FAMILY TIME. This time has taken on a new meaning as we spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. The future holds endless possibilities and we are excited as we make goals and plans to do things as a family. You know that feeling you have when you've been gone on a long trip? You can’t wait to get home, and you’re so glad to see your kids after a long time away! It's the feeling that helps you appreciate what you have and to remember how blessed you are. What no one told me is that I would be so blessed to be able to experience that feeling every other weekend. I get to remember each time my kids walk in and out my door how much I love them. I never have a chance to take them for granted because I am constantly reminded of how much I love them every time they are away from me.  

No one told me any of these things, but I’ve figured them out on my own. I’ve wrestled with emotions, I’ve cried endless tears, and had a heavy heart. I have also felt joy, been proud of my kids, been stronger than ever myself, and have more love in my home than I ever imagined possible. What an amazing thing it is to look back at life, at lessons that have been learned, and at progress that has been made. I'm so excited for more change, growth, and happiness to come!